Brave new tumblr

Retrograde brain sharing thoughts not suited for IG captions more than a decade past her Tumblr era. Not too scared to share or too tired to care.

Man, I used to spew every single thought that passed through my dumb little teenaged brain on Tumblr posts and get off on the number of little hearts that would appear on my post dashboard. Sometimes I'd even get like, 100 or more likes on what I'd call "rants" that were cathartic for me at the time but now, looking back, feel super cringey and likely problematic. I think I posted mainly when I was really angry, but then again, I remember only fragments of those years of my life. What I do remember is that back then, I was angry a lot.

One thing about me is I am— and will always be— a bit of a justice warrior. It shows up in every facet of my being like pulling the Justice card from the deck every time you shuffle, no matter how many times you do. Human Design? EQUITY. Matrix of Destiny? INTEGRITY. Astrology? JUSTICE. I was rage-posting in a ‘stand up for the underdog’ way. Like, “leave her alone,” and “shut up, anybody can like this band!” or “can’t you see how serious this thing that’s happening is??? Stupid idiots!!” but I think I was probably just projecting. Advocating for myself because I felt alone.

I crave community and connection more than almost anything. When I used to write how I was feeling on my Instagram captions and get a bunch of reactions and responses from my followers, it felt like stretching both the crevices of my brain; with perspective and knowledge on things I actually cared about, and my arms; out with more capacity to embrace and finally connect. To understand, and to be understood.

I had graduated from teenage Tumblr years onto adult Instagram and was getting the same reactions from people who felt seen, or liked what I had to say. This time about things that don’t even induce anger, if you can believe it. It feels so good to already know that you’re a bit of an odd thinker (born under a merc RX) and certainly not always agreeable, be vulnerable and share your thoughts and opinions despite the fact, and then realize that you are not, in fact, on an island, but rather on a whole new world — one that you created yourself. And everyone is welcome.

I’ve always loved to write, and again, I find myself craving an outlet to document and share my thoughts, only this time with a changed, slightly less angry brain (hi prefrontal cortex), in a long[er] form medium, on a platform that isn’t Tumblr or instagram.

In human design, all of my centers are ‘defined’ except my crown, or my head center. It means that each energy center within me has a consistent, sort of self-reliant and outward bound energy expression except for my brain, which must draw energy and inspiration from outside myself to respond to and amplify— ie; other people, the world around me.

As much as I wish that meant “no thoughts, just vibes,” the inside of my brain actually sounds like a cafeteria: my own voice overlapping on itself x10 about irrelevant subjects or the bridge of the same song over and over again (High. Heels. On my tippies) when left uninspired by outside sources.

I’m starting this newsletter (blog that gets sent to your email) to honor my human design type as a Generator by responding to outside sources that inspire thoughts/ ideas/ opinions within me and I hope that my subscribed friends can relate to what I share, that people might feel empowered or inspired by reading, less alone if it suits you, and to humor myself by using a public forum as an outlet for my little human feelings.

I may write about my personal, likely woo-adjacent experiences, holistic/ eastern/ naturalist wellness practices including food/nutrition and herbal remedies, culture, new age, probably feminist ideologies, and being funny and cool. I promise not to be angry unless it’s justified. If ever that is the case, I hope you’ll be angry with me.